12.27.09

I've just come out of the longest sleeping marathon known to mankind. After feeling so clear and energetic yesterday afternoon... all I know is, I haven't done a thing. I've been sleeping on & off since then. I was awake last night & looked at the time, it was around 3 am, I stood there and stared at the coffee maker, thinking, is it worth it? (waking up.) I chose, no. I was too sleepy. I ended up back in bed. I must have slept for at least ...? hours. Who knows? Starting around 4 in the afternoon yesterday. I'm up now, thanks to another "unknown" number on the phone waking me up. That's all phones are good for- alarms.

My limp is gone and I'm not twitching anymore, but I feel like my head is worse. I think I just had an "attack". A storm? My brain feels worse. My thinking is worse. I really do think that I am becoming slow. I really do. Slower. Dim. In January I get checked out again, starting with the regular doctor, who sends me to the neuro, who sends me elsewhere, wherever he/she deems suitable. I could end up back in for more cognitive testing, or, and I shudder at the thought- back within the bowels of the hospital for another spinal. I know another one is coming. I know it. I feel it. If that's the case, they had better plan on sedating me to Kingdom Come. Or else.

I feel that the spot in my brain has grown, or mushroomed. Somethings different. My brain feels unwell. Something is going on that is not good. I feel it on the left side. I feel it. I don't know if I can feel it physically, but I sense it.

I had another dream last night that blended up the internet with real life. In the dream, I was reading through some papers that came in the mail- it was a printed manual from Yahoo. It was going step-by-step on how to do everything. Then, something else came- it was a patch! To sew on your jacket or something! Like I used to do in high school, tacky patches all over my denim jacket. This patch was a rectangle, with glittery gold thread on it, and it had a display name along with a web address on it! For real. And the name was just something I've used before as a joke, blending my dog's name with my last name(s). And the web address was something I don't think I've ever used before. Isn't that funny? So I was holding the glittery patch, and I suppose I was going to wear it? I don't know. Even in the dream I thought it was funny. So my brain is continuing to fold up virtual concepts with real, physical ones. Next thing you know I'll have a dream about my mom's cat having a myspace or something. Or contacting the maintenance man on Facebook. What has my world come to....