12.31.09

I dreamed there was a plate of venison on the counter that I was about to warm up, so I got a paper towel to cover it, but instead of being covered with one paper towel, it was covered with 3. But not all piled on each other. It was 3 paper towels that were still connected, and the middle one was laying on top of the meat while the other 2 on either side draped on to the counter. I was going to cook it like that.



I sensed in my dream, "Past -- Present -- Future"

The paper towel in the middle was "present", and that's what was covering the meat.


If blogging is a roll of paper towels, then I most certainly covered the past and the future already, and I didn't really know what direction this current blog would take, I just went with it and let it flow, not sure what would come out of me right now. Apparently I'm focused on my everyday reality, the present. However I didn't realize this was "meat". I thought this was more of a side dish. And I was getting ready to warm it up. That's strange, seeing as how my intentions for this one were/are to do nothing but sit here and jot down my everyday details. I'm not pulling any amusing stories out of my past, and my head is not filled with burdensome dreams that I have to report. I really am sitting here, watching the world go by.

A new thing that started happening a few days ago: a sensation of heat that covers a small part of me, like for a few seconds it feels like my left foot is under a hot blowdryer. Or my right hand, or maybe just 2 or 3 fingers, or maybe just my palm.... that's just what it feels like- that a blowdryer is blowing warm air on it, then it goes away. Just one more thing to add to my list that I have to bring with me to the doctor. I have so many new things that weren't with me last year. I think that's what Santa brought me. New symptoms.

Last time I was checked out, my right leg didn't pass the reflex test. The little hammer bonked my left leg, and it jumped out just fine, then it went to my right leg... nothing. Nothing! Not even a tiny kick! The doctor did it again and again and my leg just acted like nothing was going on. I felt it just fine, but my leg didn't care about the hammer. It was funny, the doctor tried every angle and nothing worked.

I miss my friends from work. I think they think I moved off. That's why I quit- I was moving. To be swept off into the sunset by a tornado. But I found out about things and stayed put- but didn't tell anyone, because this with my body all came back and hit me at the same time. I came back from a trip to pack my things, found out stuff, caved in physically and quit my job that I was already scheduled to quit anyway, all within one month. This has been quite a finale to 2009. If you knew what lengths I go to to avoid chaos. And still, I find it. I'm so tired. If the rest of my existence takes place right here, in my bedroom, I will not complain. Maybe it's better that way.